True love from a child.

I have witnessed a true act of love and it came from my 4 yr old son. I think because I have taken care of him since the time I saw the little pink line on the stick is the reason that this small act of kindness has totally affected me. I have spent the last four years trying to teach him to say please and thank you, yes ma'am, no ma'am, to not burp at the table...etc. Basically trying to teach him how to be a good person. Anyways having a boy can prove to make all these tasks somewhat difficult. After all they think burping at the table is the funniest thing ever. Now, as I said before I have been doing this for four years. The key to teaching kids is by repeating over and over. Example: Someone gives Owen a present, I say "Owen, say thank you". Or Owen runs into someone, I say "Owen, say excuse me". What I am saying is I am always prompting him to say or do the right thing. Well the other day the most sweetest thing happened. Owen and I were resting on the couch watching a movie. I was very tired that day and I dozed off. I didn't even realize that I had fallen asleep until I was woken up by the cutest little boy who was actually covering me up with a blanket! It wasn't just any blanket either, it was his favorite one that he has to sleep with every night. He even tried to cover me up without waking me. Once I realized what he was doing my heart just melted. I mean here is this little boy who usually just worries about what kid show he gets to watch, or what we are going to play, or when does he get to go outside. But not in this moment. In this moment he was thinking, "hey, my mom is laying there sleeping and I think she might want my blanket". I mean what 4 yr. old does that?!?!? He actually left the movie he was watching to get his favorite blanket to put on me....all on his own doing!! I know to most people this is really nothing, but to a mother, it was every thing!! I am so proud of him!

Words are sometimes all we have.

I recently went to a funeral of a friend who lost his mom. She was only 55. That is only 2 years older than my mom. At the funeral they talked about celebrating her life and how much they loved her, and how much she meant to them. The thing about it is, she will never hear it. Don't get me wrong, I think it was great that they had such great stuff to say. But it got me to thinking. I want to tell my mom this stuff now. While she is here to know how much she truly means to me. So mom this is for you!!
You have always been there for me. My whole life is filled with memories of you. You gave up so much so that Jennifer and I could be well cared for. You are the true definition of what a mother should be. You taught me the meaning of unconditional love. You have stood behind me and supported me my whole life. You pushed me to be a better person. I think back to when I was a teenager and I know I didn't make it easy on you. I am sure I am in for the same thing with my sons. But I can look back and appreciate the fact that you always stood firm with your beliefs and you did what was right by me even when the other kids got to do stuff that I didn't. You always had rules that you expected me to abide by but you also stepped back and let me make my own mistakes. When I made the mistakes you were there to help me through it. You taught me that life wouldn't be perfect, but to make the very best of it. You instilled in me good values and taught me to love God first, and that every thing else will work itself out. The simple things in life were always important to you and still are as they are for me. That the simple things are the most rewarding. Sitting on the porch, enjoying a sunset, listening to my children's laughter, kissing away their tears when they are sad, just enjoying a long walk. I thank you for all of these lessons.

Your first role was to be my mom, and now you have been promoted to a grandmother. And what a good one you are. You do not even realize how much you mean to our little boys. They love you so much. You raised me and now I watch as you teach the boys the same important lessons in life. They don't even know how lucky they are. It took me till I was grown and with kids of my own to realize the depth of your love. How truly blessed I am. So I just want to say thank you. Even though thank you doesn't even begin to cover what I want to say. I wish I had the words to express...but I can't think of any to express everything I feel. I can only hope to give my sons what you have given me. Pay it forward you know. I love you!!!

Sleep baby Sleep....

Right now I am trying to stay awake because last night I was allowed only 2 hrs. of sleep. When you only get 2 hrs of sleep and have to go to work the next day...well lets just say its a very hard thing to do. I have been having a problem trying to get Eli to sleep threw the night. The last month has been really bad. Eli decided to break himself from the passy. I have tried and tired to talk him back into it. I put it in his mouth and he looks at me like I just grew a second head or something. I am sure this is just the beginning of the crazy looks I will get from him. lol. Anyways beings he broke himself from the passy he has nothing to sooth himself with. So now when he wakes up I have to give him a bottle of water. We end up doing this like 3-6 times a night. This leads to another problem.....a leaky diaper. Which again wakes him up an I have to change him. He is such a light sleeper. This is now an every night process. Well last night was more of the same except Owen also got up twice because of nightmares. Now I know that all moms go threw this kind of stuff and this too shall pass for me. Its just surviving till then....with my sanity intact! Wish me luck and if anyone has any magic tricks for making a baby sleep...well by all means..please send them my way!!!

Twilight....need I say more!

Okay a certain friend of mine,who will remain unnamed ...cough... Elizabeth..cough..cough.. has gotten me hooked...Or better yet addicted to...this series of books called Twilight. Its been a long time since I have picked up a book to read and could not put it down. In fact I am wasting valuable reading time by sitting here blogging. Anyways I just want to say thanks for the new addiction. I can't wait to start the next book!! Gotta go...the book is calling.

Why does self control have to be so hard???

Me and two of my girlfriends are doing a 12 week work out program. Currently we are on week #3. I am also trying to eat healthy....trying being the key word. The first week was the worst part of working out. Part of our program is 5 minutes of walking lunges and 7 minutes of abs. Now you may not think that 5 min. is long, but try walking lunges for that amount of time. You will quickly come to realize that 5 min. can seem like an eternity!! Needless to say that after the first workout we could hardly walk! The abuse we had done to our bodies was criminal, at least it felt like it. Now that I have started to get used to it, its not so bad. The hard part is eating healthy. Its so hard for me to deprive myself of a piece of pie, or some warm homemade cookies, or a brownie...can you tell sweets are my weekness? I feel like I actually need to eat it. Its almost like a drug. As a christian we are supposed to be filled with the fruits of the spirit. Well these consist of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. For me the hardest one to manage is self control...although patience is a close second. Having two small boys makes me really have to practice my patience...but that's another blog. Anyways, back to self control. I don't want to tell myself that I can't eat that cookie or that I have to workout. I am trying to practice self control and make myself. I really want to be a much healthier person, not only for me but for my family. I want to be a good example to my kids so that they will learn to be healthy and strong.

Anyways this is a real struggle for me and the battle wages on. Who will win....me being back in a size 9 jeans or the yummy chocolate chip cookies...only time will tell.

Hour Glass

Today I was sitting at work literally watching the clock, counting the seconds until I reached my freedom. I didn't think this workday was ever going to end. As I was watching the clock the second hand seemed to slow down. It was mocking me....it was like in the movies when everything goes quiet except for the amplified sound of the tick...tick...tick...tick as the second hand slowly made its way around. Now mind you, at this point I still had four hours left in my workday. I had nothing to do, no one to talk to, and couldn't play on the computer because I was "at work". It was during this time that I began thinking about how usually there is not enough hours in the day to get things done that I want to. I feel like I am always running behind. I can't imagine how busy life is going to get when the kids start sports! It was also during this time that I was looking at the pictures on my desk. One is of my oldest son Owen when he was just crawling and now he is almost 4!! Another one is of my youngest son Eli from when he was first born and now he is 8 months old!. I look at my babies all the time and see how fast time goes by. How life doesn't slow down for anyone. So the thought came to me today....Why is it the slow tick...tick...tick..of time only happens when you don't want it to? I want to put that slow clock on my babies...so they can stay babies just a little longer....so I can slow down and watch them grow and not miss anything. I want to put that slow clock on me and my husband when we take a evening walk so I can slow down and enjoy our time together. Live in this moment and not worry about the next. I want to appreciate the blessings God has given to me..not rush through them. Someone once told me that children are on loan to us from God. We only get to keep them for a little while and then we have to let them go. I know that this is a part of life and a part of Gods plan but that doesn't make it any easier on a mama's heart. Knowing this I can only brace myself to the quickness of time. Hold on to every moment that I can, and at the end of the day drop to my knees and thank God for all that he has given to me.

So I leave you with this .....
and through the sands in the hour glass and so are the days of our lives.
(used to be a major Days of our lives fan can you tell...lol)

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust....

This is a very sad time for me and my family. My grandfather passed away this week. He is the first grandparent that I have lost so I am trying to find my way on how to deal with this. He has been sick for about six months and in the last month lost his ability to even swallow due to Parkinson disease. Just thinking about the small function of swallowing that I take for granted every day. The last time I saw him he said all he wanted to do was take a big drink of water but couldn't. He had lost so much weight due to this because he could hardly eat. Finally they inserted a feeding tube to help him get his strength back but things just went down hill from there. He started to lose his thoughts and wasn't recognizing us. So in the end it was for the best for him to go ahead and pass so that he would not be in anymore pain. He was 86 yrs old and lived a blessed life. He loved God and his family and fought in WWII. We miss him so much but I know that its for the best. The hard part is seeing my dad. Its not very often that you see a man broken, but that is the only way that I can describe my dad. I can't even imagine what he is feeling right now. To lose a parent or a child is unthinkable to me. All I can do is be here for him in love and support. Sometimes its hard to understand the hard stuff in life, its always a comfort to know that God is truly in control of everything and that he has his reasons for doing things even if we don't understand. Gods thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and he does all things for good. I take great comfort in this. And to know that he is always there for me.